“Love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it” - Maya Angelou
After seeing the movie ‘Why Did I Get Married Too’ my head was filled with so many emotions and thoughts that it was hard for me to focus at work. So many things that the movie touched base on mirrored so much of my life I couldn’t help but put it all into context. So after gathering up my thoughts and being able put them in a concise effort. And this is what I came up with. The couple that hit home the most for me in my current life seemed to be Terry and Dianne. After years of marriage, Terry found his wife to be unusually happy and well kept. Even her own friends were recognizing her unmistakeable glow; mentioning it numerous times throughout the movie. Towards the end of the film, we find out that the reason behind her mysterious glow is a fellow lawyer who she worked with on a recent case named, Phillip. Because of Phillip, she was made to feel pretty and wanted Again and it helped to build her self esteem. This is a common situation in most long term relationships and marriages. Because you’ve been together for so long and are (for the most part) used to one another the compliments and gestures that were once given when the relationship was fresh start to disappear. And then comes the Phillips. The one who comes into your life showering you with the “you’re beautiful“‘s, the jokes and the attention you haven’t received in such a long. And guess what? It starts to feel great! So what do you do? The human soul needs to feel loved and appreciated. And when we are, we begin to build a connection with that individual. Which is why our love is also transended to animals as well. A creature that can’t speak our language; can’t even hug us and say I love you back. But it’s that something— those things that that animal does that just makes us feel important. So you build a bond with that being/person. That is a problem that surfaced in my previous relationship that lasted a year and a couple of months. There became a time when I didn’t feel attractive and appreciated. And suddenly I ran into my ‘Phillip’ who made me feel all those things my ex made me feel when we first started dating. And it felt great. Yes, it may have gone a little overboard. But adultry was never an option. On my part atleast. So what should you get from this? If nothing else but a good eye rolls and teeth sucking; I hope you get out of it that when you get someone you really care for you must appreciate them. At all times. Make them feel special. Valued. All of those things. Say I love you more. It’s never ok to just assume your partner feels that way. Too often do I hear “No I don’t say it everyday, but they should know I do”. What’s taking one minute to call your lover just to say ‘I love you’? No time at all. Remember…. Life Is Sweet When You Add A Little Splender.
Just over a year since releasing platinum selling E=MC2 super diva, Mariah Carey, returns with her 12th studio album, Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. Memoirs boast productions from The Dream and Tricky Stewart, as well as some production from Los Da Mystro and Big Jim Wright. Described as being a record reminiscent of a diary, the album is almost like a collection of stories from a whole slew of people. Each song giving a different point of view on one of the most universal topics around… Love. The good and the bad. The album opens with the prologue, ‘Betcha Gon’ Know’. A dark song that tells the story of someone catching their lover in infidelity and secretly planning to do to them what they’ve done to their heart. Singing, “But you gonna know this feels, Even if it’s the last thing I ever do.” The song is the perfect opener and very much reflects a lot of people’s situations. Men and Women alike. And it helps that Mariah name checks to even more personalize the song. Songs like ‘H.A.T.E.U.’ meaning “Have(ing) A Typical Emotional Upset” and ‘Angel’s Cry’ highlights Mariah’s ability to still write meaningful songs that tell a story and vocally evoke an emotional chord with the listener. On Memoirs, Mrs. Carey-Cannon takes on a slew of personalities especially in songs like ‘Standing O’ and ‘Up Out My Face’ where she becomes a lover with a very bitter take on a cheating spouse. On one of the records she sings about her spouse who just pretended to care for her and giving him a standing ovation for his performance. “Cheers! Toast! Bravo to you!” And on the song ‘Up Out My Face’ she sings lines like “Where ever you been layin’ you can stay now” and “Oh no, you not gettin’ it, Oh no, you not hittin’ it, No you aint a rapper so you need to stop spittin’ it.” On the songs ‘Candy Bling’ which samples Ahmad’s “Back In The Day” and ‘Inseparable’ which samples Lauper’s “Time After Time”, Mariah shines the most. The songs originality, (although, yes, using samples) are very refreshing. The melodies and catchy bass and “click” heavy bridges make for solid records. Mariah Carey also sheds new light on her new found love with actor/rapper, Nick Cannon on ‘The Impossible’. In the song she sings, “You did the impossible, You rescued my love…. I’d almost given up”.
Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel is as solid of an R&B record as any one can get. Filled with a great deal of slow jam and a splash of urban tracks, this album makes for a good listen from start to finish. With 70’s throwback records like ‘It’s A Wrap’ and the gospel tinged Foreigner cover ‘I Want To Know What Love Is’. To a closed mind, many may find the album productionally repetitive. But to someone who truly grasps what the album’s concept, the album flows very well from song to song, making it very cohesive. This album was not meant just to provide quality music but to also (like music should) tell a story. Or in this case… stories! Mariah takes us back to her ‘Butterfly’, ‘Rainbow’ and ‘Daydream’ days with interludes and reprises and completely leaves behind the notion of trying to recreate ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’. Call it a more modern Butterfly. Definitely a classic! Be sure to pick up your copy September 29th, 2009!
Standouts: Betcha Gon’ Know, H.A.T.E.U., Candy Bling, Inseparable, It’s A Wrap, The Impossible, Angel’s Cry.
“He can only hold her for so long The lights are on but no one’s home She’s so vacant, Her soul is taken He thinks, “what she running from?”
Now how can he have her heart When it got stole So he tries to pacify her ‘Cause what’s inside her never dies” -Amy Winehouse ‘He Can Only Hold Her’
Does this touch home to you? It did for me once. It’s the story of the “rebound relationship”. The relationship that inevitably ensues to try and mask the pain you are truly feeling by being around the affection of another. Anybody who has ever had their heartbroken has dabbled in the rebound relationship. And although this is somewhat of a coping mechanism it is very unfair to both the Reboundee and YOU the Rebounder.
Any emotion that isn’t dealt with properly always manifests in some kind of way, whether it’s drugs or even illness. The best way to deal with a broken heart is to comfront it head on. Cry if you wanna cry! Fight (punching bags not people) if you need to fight! Scream if you need to scream. It doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you a punk. It makes you HUMAN. Why hide it and subject someone else to the same heartache you feel/felt. Because sooner or later they’re gonna know you’re never gonna fully commit body, mind and soul to them. All you’re doing is repeating the cycle of heartache while the original heartbreaker is out living his or her life, happily…
“Seems like all I do is think about our pseudo-romance While you’re somwhere burnin’ diesal in the streets havin’ laughs” -Mariah Carey ‘Thanx 4 Nothin’
In life things happen. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. We are all dealt bad hands from time to time. But it doesn’t matter how bad your hand is. It’s about how well you play the cards you’ve been dealt. Love is a battle of the heart and in some (well A LOT of) aspects is one of the mind. You have to make wise decisions. Know when it’s just not gonna work. And know when you’re about to become the one that’s about to break someone’s heart the way someone just did yours. Do you really want to put someone through the same pain you’ve gone through?
Lesson Of The Day: Rebound Relationships?… A No No (Simply Put). Don’t pass on the heartache. And remember, Life’s Sweet When You Add A Littler Splender!!!
“Even if she’s content in his warmth She is plagued with urgency So urgent kisses, the man she misses The man that he longs to be
Now how can he have her heart When it got stole So he tries to pacify her ‘Cause what’s inside her never dies” -Amy Winehouse ‘He Can Only Hold Her’
I can relate to your question 100%. Its relatively hard to balance your past and your present feelings when it come to an ex-lover especially is your love for that person was strong. Honestly, it’s all about being able to fully read the nature of your present relationship with that person and base it off how and why your intimate relatinship ended. Is he using you?Are you still around because he really wants to be your friend? With those questions, you have to also ask yourself why YOU are still apart of his life? Is it because you secretly hope you can still be back together? And is he feeding into that emotion? In situations like these you have to be honest with yourself. Because most times in these situations you always end up being hurt. Like me. For a while I purposely stayed in contact with my Ex because I secretly, deep down, hoped he would return to me and things would go right. And he fed into that. You have to do some soul searching and see if being around your Ex is really a healthy thing for you. But you have to be prepared for that answer. You may lose him for good. And you may cry for a while. But what’s more important, your mental health and soon, emotional healing? Or keeping them around which may just continue to cause you mental and emotional anguish? Note: Having good friends and family around will make your grieving process a lot easier.
Hope I was able to help. And remember, Life’s Sweet When You Add A Little Splender.
It was shaping out to be a typical Wednesday for me, when I decided to browse through all of the old pictures I had saved on my lap top. One by one, folder by folder I went through the pictures. Until I came across a folder entitled, ‘Me & Dre’. And suddenly images of our tumultuous relationship began to flash through my head as if I were in a movie. Before opening the folder I asked myself if I were ready to relive our past. And after going into the kitchen and pouring a big glass of Apple Juice (my drink of choice when I feel things are about to get intense) I answered, ‘Yes’, and clicked open the folder. There were tons of pictures; pictures of us smiling together, hugging, even kissing. From the outside looking in, we were “picture perfect”, my roommate commenting “Y’all were cute together” as she walked by. But I didn’t see it. When I look at the pictures I can truly see how unhappy I was and how bad I really looked. How did I allow myself to get so wrapped up in this relationship that I lost who I was? Secretly, I thank Dre. Through this relationship I’ve learned lessons that’ll last me a lifetime. And I feel like my experience can save many people the heartache I endured. So I’m sharing these lessons with you.
Lesson #1: The first 3 months of any relationship people are normally on their P’s & Q’s. So if your partner is acting up before then, then you gotta give them the heave-ho.
Lesson#2: If your partner is showing you their true colors, take it for what it is. Don’t stick around because you think you can change them. You can’t!
Lesson #3: Don’t sacrifice who you are for the sake of your relationship. You have your own identity. Hello! Check your birth certificate! Let all the identities that exist in a relationship shine: You, You&Him/Her, and Him/Her. If your only identity is You&Him/Her it will inevitably lead to unhappiness.
Lesson #4: If you feel like something is wrong and just doesn’t seem right, 9 times outta 10, there is. Trust your instinct. They are there are a reason.
Lesson #5: Don’t allow your partner to smooth talk his way out of trouble. Love should not disguise the truth. Excuses exist to cover up wrong-doing.
Lesson #6: Now this is the most important. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else. Hell, sometime you have to love yourself more than that somebody else.
During my relationship I wish I had had these rules. Not only had I allowed myself to endure the unhappiness and low self esteem for so long, but I allowed him to convince me that it was my fault. I was so invested (almost Obsessed) with my relationship that there was nobody else. No friends, no life, no anything. When my relationship was over, I found myself not knowing how to pick up the pieces of my life at all, often wondering ‘Did he really love me?’. But now, over a year later, I’ve healed and I’m happy and having my self-esteem back feels great. I know that Dre will never find someone who loves him like I did or would do for him like I did. I mean, hello, who do you think he calls when he’s in trouble and needs help? Moi! Who is he calling on the phone because he misses my love? Moi! But to relate to this article it’s not about whether or not you’re gay or straight, male or female. We all date and most of us all know what heartache feels like and terrible relationship feels like. And as long as you have these Lessons on hand you can never go wrong. Just remember, Life’s Sweet When You Add A Little Splender.
With music’s popularity at its highest, I find the radio to be filled with nothing but rubbish. On one station I hear the rapping of obscenities demeaning both black culture and woman alike. And on another I’m forced to hear songs that have absolutely no significant meaning what-so-ever but to make noise. Lyrical content is dulled down to words and phrases like, “I got that boom-boom-pow/Them chicken’s jackin’ my style”, “Seein’ right through you like you’re bathin’ in Windex” and go as far as to sing about things as juvenile as having “such a huge egoooo” repeatedly and the repetition of such phrases like, “Bum Bum BeDum Bum Bum DeDum Bum”. After giving up on looking for something decent to listen to, I was left wondering: What has happened to quality Contemporary R&B and Neo Soul music? Have record companies gotten so money hungry that they’d rather put out music by artist’s like Cassie or Lady GaGa? And have music consumers gotten so enthused with a heavy beat and “trendsetting” gimmicks that they’ve over-looked actual talent?
Rhythm and Blues (R&B) was a name given to a wide-ranging genre of popular music created by African-Americans in the late 1940s and early 1950s. The term was originally used by record companies to refer to recordings marketed predominantly to urban African Americans. Looking back, that was the beginning. That was when music was made to really tell stories and touch the souls of whoever listened. That time spawned greats like Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye, and Stevie Wonder who later spawned classics like ‘Respects’, ‘Let’s Get It On’ and ‘For Once In My Life’. Songs that are still listened to today. Because of artists and songs like these, greats were inspired. Greats like the late Michael Jackson, who himself went on to create classic music that will withstand the test of time. As well as the late Luther Vandross who created classics such as ‘A House Is Not A Home’ and ‘If Only For One Night’.
Since the 1990s, the term “Contemporary R&B” is mainly used to refer to a modern version of soul and funk-influenced pop music. Contemporary R&B has a slick production style, drum machine-backed rhythms, an occasional pop-sounding fusion in its hooks. During the 90s Contemporary R&B grew extraordinarily and spawned a slew of new artists: female vocalists, male vocalists and groups. The female vocalists began with the return of Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson (who began their careers in the 80s) and newcomers Mariah Carey and Toni Braxton. These four ladies were the epitomy of quality R&B music in the 90s and broke numerous of records by creating such classic like: ‘I Will Always Love You’, ‘Anytime, Anyplace’, ‘Always Be My Baby’ and ‘Love Should’ve Brought You Home’. This era also brought forth male vocalists like Babyface, Brian McKnight, R. Kelly and Ginuwine.
With the passing of the new millennium came a new era of music, Pop. This music came full-force with acts like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, mixing their new sound with R&B flavor. This music completely changed the industry and possibly became the down fall of true music. This music began to market toward white radio— now known as commercial radio. This was the beginning of the “as long as you can dance and look sexy doing it you can become rich and famous” era. And sooner or later our R&B influenced youngins saw that that was how you made money and of course jumped on the bandwagon. Creating artists like Ciara, Cassie and Jeremih. R&B music has been taken over by none other than “the man” and record labels wanting to make serious cash. Our music, that once ruled the airwaves, has been taken over by the Lady GaGa’s, Katy Perry’s, Akon’s, T-Pain’s. And if we aren’t hearing any of that mess, we’re listening to extremely ridiculous, foul mouthed, prejudice and offensive rap music. If that weren’t enough, we have folk like Amy Winehouse, Adele, Duffy and Justin Timberlake bringing our music back.
But also with the rising of Pop music came acts that stood for the advancement of Contemporary R&B music. The genre was influenced by acts like Al Green, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, Donny Hathaway and produced artists like Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu, Musiq Soulchild and Jill Scott. Since 2000 artists like Alicia Keys, Jazmine Sullivan, Raphael Saadiq, Ledisi, Anthony Hamilton and others have maintained the Neo Soul music genre while incorporating some Contemporary R&B stylings.
As I sit here and think about it, I wonder what went wrong. How did we go from such heartfelt, vocally talented, lyrically deep talent to the “I wanna get rich, quick” music of today? How can artists who have made such great music feel pressured to stay afloat by lowering themselves to singing songs like ‘Obsessed’ to get their album to wanna be heard? Why are talents like Toni Braxton feeling the need to ditch their roots and turn reggae because their labels want that mula and frankly, so do they? Why is good music like Ginuwine’s ‘A Man’s Thoughts’ fading into the background while artist like Demi Lovato and Hannah Montana sit atop the Billboard charts? And my biggest question: Why are folk like Miley Cyrus, Kelly Clarkson and Leona Lewis headlining VH1 Divas instead of actual divas Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige?
What I do commend though are the artists that stick to their calling and don’t feel the need to completely change themselves or their music. Keyshia Cole for example; she comes from the hood and even though she has reached a great deal of success she hasn’t changed her deep value in music by trying to compete with what’s on radio now. Whitney Houston, who once dabbled in trying to compete with Pop radio, is making a well-welcomed comeback and is sticking to her roots and what made her a colossal success in the first place. And Mariah Carey, who began her success singing huge ballads and has recently succumbed to singing songs like ‘Obsessed’ has also managed to continue to create great R&B from her album ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ and with songs like, ‘I Stay In Love’ and ‘H.A.T.E.U’. So with all that said, although I am very disappointed with what has become popular music, I am glad that I can still rely on a slew of artists to create quality music. And give me my true R&B fix.
Since the 1990s, the term “Contemporary R&B” is mainly used to refer to a modern version of soul and funk-influenced pop music. Contemporary R&B has a slick production style, drum machine-backed rhythms, an occasional pop-sounding fusion in its hooks. During the 90s Contemporary R&B grew extraordinarily and spawned a slew of new artists: female vocalists, male vocalists and groups. The female vocalists began with the return of Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson (who began their careers in the 80s) and newcomers Mariah Carey and Toni Braxton. These four ladies were the epitomy of quality R&B music in the 90s and broke numerous of records by creating such classic like: ‘I Will Always Love You’, ‘Anytime, Anyplace’, ‘Always Be My Baby’ and ‘Love Should’ve Brought You Home’. This era also brought forth male vocalists like Babyface, Brian McKnight, R. Kelly and Ginuwine.
With the passing of the new millennium came a new era of music, Pop. This music came full-force with acts like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, mixing their new sound with R&B flavor. This music completely changed the industry and possibly became the down fall of true music. This music began to market toward white radio— now known as commercial radio. This was the beginning of the “as long as you can dance and look sexy doing it you can become rich and famous” era. And sooner or later our R&B influenced youngins saw that that was how you made money and of course jumped on the bandwagon. Creating artists like Ciara, Cassie and Jeremih. R&B music has been taken over by none other than “the man” and record labels wanting to make serious cash. Our music, that once ruled the airwaves, has been taken over by the Lady GaGa’s, Katy Perry’s, Akon’s, T-Pain’s. And if we aren’t hearing any of that mess, we’re listening to extremely ridiculous, foul mouthed, prejudice and offensive rap music. If that weren’t enough, we have folk like Amy Winehouse, Adele, Duffy and Justin Timberlake bringing our music back.
What I do commend though are the artists that stick to their calling and don’t feel the need to completely change themselves or their music. Keyshia Cole for example; she comes from the hood and even though she has reached a great deal of success she hasn’t changed her deep value in music by trying to compete with what’s on radio now. Whitney Houston, who once dabbled in trying to compete with Pop radio, is making a well-welcomed comeback and is sticking to her roots and what made her a colossal success in the first place. And Mariah Carey, who began her success singing huge ballads and has recently succumbed to singing songs like ‘Obsessed’ has also managed to continue to create great R&B from her album ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ and with songs like, ‘I Stay In Love’ and ‘H.A.T.E.U’. So with all that said, although I am very disappointed with what has become popular music, I am glad that I can still rely on a slew of artists to create quality music. And give me my true R&B fix.