It was shaping out to be a typical Wednesday for me, when I decided to browse through all of the old pictures I had saved on my lap top. One by one, folder by folder I went through the pictures. Until I came across a folder entitled, ‘Me & Dre’. And suddenly images of our tumultuous relationship began to flash through my head as if I were in a movie. Before opening the folder I asked myself if I were ready to relive our past. And after going into the kitchen and pouring a big glass of Apple Juice (my drink of choice when I feel things are about to get intense) I answered, ‘Yes’, and clicked open the folder. There were tons of pictures; pictures of us smiling together, hugging, even kissing. From the outside looking in, we were “picture perfect”, my roommate commenting “Y’all were cute together” as she walked by. But I didn’t see it. When I look at the pictures I can truly see how unhappy I was and how bad I really looked. How did I allow myself to get so wrapped up in this relationship that I lost who I was? Secretly, I thank Dre. Through this relationship I’ve learned lessons that’ll last me a lifetime. And I feel like my experience can save many people the heartache I endured. So I’m sharing these lessons with you.
Lesson #1: The first 3 months of any relationship people are normally on their P’s & Q’s. So if your partner is acting up before then, then you gotta give them the heave-ho.
Lesson#2: If your partner is showing you their true colors, take it for what it is. Don’t stick around because you think you can change them. You can’t!
Lesson #3: Don’t sacrifice who you are for the sake of your relationship. You have your own identity. Hello! Check your birth certificate! Let all the identities that exist in a relationship shine: You, You&Him/Her, and Him/Her. If your only identity is You&Him/Her it will inevitably lead to unhappiness.
Lesson #4: If you feel like something is wrong and just doesn’t seem right, 9 times outta 10, there is. Trust your instinct. They are there are a reason.
Lesson #5: Don’t allow your partner to smooth talk his way out of trouble. Love should not disguise the truth. Excuses exist to cover up wrong-doing.
Lesson #6: Now this is the most important. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else. Hell, sometime you have to love yourself more than that somebody else.
During my relationship I wish I had had these rules. Not only had I allowed myself to endure the unhappiness and low self esteem for so long, but I allowed him to convince me that it was my fault. I was so invested (almost Obsessed) with my relationship that there was nobody else. No friends, no life, no anything. When my relationship was over, I found myself not knowing how to pick up the pieces of my life at all, often wondering ‘Did he really love me?’. But now, over a year later, I’ve healed and I’m happy and having my self-esteem back feels great. I know that Dre will never find someone who loves him like I did or would do for him like I did. I mean, hello, who do you think he calls when he’s in trouble and needs help? Moi! Who is he calling on the phone because he misses my love? Moi! But to relate to this article it’s not about whether or not you’re gay or straight, male or female. We all date and most of us all know what heartache feels like and terrible relationship feels like. And as long as you have these Lessons on hand you can never go wrong. Just remember, Life’s Sweet When You Add A Little Splender.
